It’s Pride month, as all the rainbows and flags suddenly adopted by so many brands attest. We’ve used the slogan “Queer All Year” in the past, and it still applies: Pride is all the time. This month, we’d like to talk about allyship. To kick it off, we’re gonna borrow one of our favorite Audre Lorde quotes here: Revolution is not a one-time event.
Ally Is A Verb
You may have also heard the saying: Ally is a verb. We might argue for a little more specificity: Ally is a choice. We face choices every day to be an ally in the moment. If we make the choice to do something, and if we make that choice again and again, it gets easier. We become a better ally when we choose to be an ally in both big and small moments.
What Does “To Ally” Mean?
Geopolitically, it’s a formal agreement to come to another’s aid when they are threatened.
Socially, it is – hopefully – more proactive, and we are not just reacting to immediate danger. We are creating the more just world we live in, moment by moment.
There are a lot of definitions out there about what allies do, and what it means “to ally.” The Center for Creative Leadership offers a great starting point in their discussion of allyship in the workplace:
“the actions, behaviors, and practices that leaders take to support, amplify, and advocate with others, most especially with individuals who don’t belong to the same social identities as themselves”
The Center for Creative Leadership, What is Allyship? Your Questions Answered
Let’s Break It Down
“The actions, behaviors, and practices“: these are the things we do .
“that leaders take“: we’re not going to pretend that being an ally isn’t sometimes scary. Doing the thing, even when it is scary is courageous. And when we do the scary thing, we may help other people to make that same decision. That’s leadership. CCL here is talking about leaders in the workplace, but we think leadership isn’t just about managers and the C-suite. Leadership is about being an example.
“to support, amplify, and advocate“: this is one way to make decisions about what kinds of actions, behaviors, and practices we choose to do. When we decide to act, have we chosen to act in such a way that supports those we are trying to support? Does it use our power / social standing / money / influence to help others be heard? Are we acting in their best interest, not our own?
These aren’t new philosophical questions.
Budda said: “If you propose to speak always ask yourself, is it true, is it necessary, is it kind.”
Socrates encouraged students to ask “Is it true; is it kind, or is it necessary?” before speaking.
Classrooms all over the place have a poster recommending us to THINK before speaking: Is it True? Is it Helpful? Is it Inspiring? Is it Necessary? Is it Kind?
Let’s sidetrack about “inspiring” for a moment. If you’re hoping to inspire others like you to take action, that’s allyship. If you’re hoping to earn praise for your actions, that’s not allyship.
Moving on….
“with others, most especially with individuals who don’t belong to the same social identities as themselves“: with is doing a lot of important work here. We act along with and alongside those we are allied to. We follow their lead.
But HOW Do I Choose to Be an Ally?
Allyship is a lifelong practice that builds. It is cyclical.
- Reflection
- Education
- Action
- Do It All Over Again
Reflection
Grab a metaphorical mirror – and maybe a real one! Ask yourself: what are my identities? In what ways do I have an easier time than other people? In what ways do I have a harder time?
We all have different identities that make up who we are and how we move through the world. Being an ally leverages the privileges we do have in support of someone without those privileges. That doesn’t mean that we have more privilege in all ways at all times. But, it does mean that we need to know what our privileges are, and how those privileges have influenced how we think and move about the world.
Some examples of where privilege can lurk:
- Race
- Class
- Income
- Gender
- Sexuality
- Physical Abilities
- Appearance
- Body Size
- Mental Health
- Body Health
- Access to Care
- Location
- Age
- Religion
- Language
- Education
- Citizenship
- Housing
- Protections Against Discrimination
MTV Decoded on What Is Privilege
Education
There are a lot of ways to seek out education. It’s important to remember that the people you are allied to aren’t responsible for your education. You can certainly ask for help and information, but consider paying them for their time and expertise, and check in with them if they want to provide education and have the spoons to do so. (“Paying” can mean a lot of things: ask them how you can acknowledge their time, energy, and the lived experiences they’ve navigated!)
Here are some starting points, not just about LGBTQ+ allyship:
- Guide to Allyship
- The Trevor Project’s Guide To Being an Ally to Transgender and Nonbinary Young People
- Wander through our Blog Index for information about trans health. Check out where we talk about Minority Stress and Supporting Youth
- TED Talks, podcasts, and books!
Action
Do a thing. There are a lot of places to start, and you don’t have to start with a grand gesture.
A couple of weeks ago, we wrote about the Trevor Project 2024 U.S. National Survey. One section of the survey asked youth how to support them. Here are the top ten ways:
Do It All Over Again
After Acting, Reflect.
You’re not always going to get it right. You will make mistakes. Some of those will be hurtful. That’s part of growing. Reflect on the how, why, when, and who, and apologize to those you have harmed. Then seek more education.
Next Up:
We’ll talk about some of the specific ways you can be an ally to LGBTQ+ folx, concentrating on gender allyship.
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