It isn’t always easy to know who has your back. This blog shares some safety tips and resources for navigating your world.
Boundaries
Boundaries are intelligent, healthy, and necessary. They are guidelines for how to interact with you. Boundaries can help keep you safe by:
- Warning people who wish you harm that you are not an easy victim
- Providing essential information about your needs and wants to people around you
- Mitigating impulsive or risky behavior by having a pre-made decision in your toolkit
You can make boundaries about all the things that affect you:
- Your time: I am leaving now.
- Your physical space: We take our shoes off in my house.
- Your emotions: Please do not talk about lost dogs to me.
- Your actions: I do not get into a car with an impaired driver.
- Your spirituality: I would like to say a blessing.
- Your money: I do not purchase products tested on animals.
- Your sexuality: I’m not ready to do that.
- Your information: I give out a fake phone number to strangers.
- And so many more.
Deal-Breakers, Non-Negotiables, and Hard Boundaries
You have the right to have boundaries that you will not change. “Deal-breakers” are your hard rules about relationships, jobs, housing, and other big things.
They can be about things that will harm you and need others to know: I am allergic to shellfish. I will not eat at Oscar’s Oyster House.”
Or they can be aspects of expressing your moral code, ethical standards, or religious beliefs.
Negotiable Boundaries
Some boundaries are more flexible. When and how you change them could depend on who you’re with, how much you trust them, and other demands on your time, energy, or other. Examples could include:
- Public or private displays of affection.
- Negotiating quiet hours at home because you have an early morning and a big test.
- “I made cookies; they’re in the kitchen and free-for-all!” vs. “I made cookies for class tomorrow, don’t touch.”
Boundaries often need communication, but you don’t have to explain deal-breakers when someone tries to violate them. “No” is a complete answer.
Safety Tips:
- Envision scenarios and think about what you could do.
- Practice enacting your boundaries so that it’s easier to do when in the moment.
- Discuss your limits with the people you’re with so they know what to expect.
Boundaries are a vital part of relationships. We like Scarleteen’s Quickie “Healthy Relationships” for an intro to boundaries with partners.
If you are in a relationship that doesn’t feel right, there are supports for you. Love Is Respect has a ton of information on dating, relationships, and supporting friends who may be in unsafe situations.
How Boundaries Can Help Keep You Safe:
Knowing your rights makes it easier to stand up for yourself and for others.
In Healthcare:
Your body is yours. You can:
- Leave a healthcare appointment if it feels or is unsafe.
- Request a new provider.
- Refuse a test or exam.
- Refuse to answer an inappropriate question.
Tip: It can be scary to say no to a doctor, nurse, or another healthcare provider. Practice by saying no to being weighed or having your vitals checked. This is a low-risk way to train your stress responses that you can do this.
If saying no doesn’t go well, you can:
- Ask for a manager
- Ask to have your family or friend accompany you
- Pull out your phone and start recording
- Tell the provider to leave the room.
- Leave the appointment.
At School
Know your rights as a student. Read our blog “Your Three Powerful Rights At School” Scroll through the student and youth sections at Lambda Legal, TransEquality, and the ACLU. Check your school’s, district’s and state’s education websites.
During Your School Day
- Consider a safety buddy – a friend, a member of your school’s GSA – someone who can be in the halls or unsupervised time with
- Establish a faculty advocate
- Consider transferring/online school
Talk with a supportive adult about what you can do if you run into problems with
- Administrators
- Teachers
- Bullying
- Bathrooms
- Gym class
If you ever feel unsafe at school:
- Record the situation with your phone.
- Be with your buddy or other supportive friends.
- Leave the situation as soon as possible.
- Contact your support adult as quickly as possible.
Resources for Your School Staff and Administration
Gender Spectrum is a fantastic organization. Among their many offerings are training and resources for schools.
Fill out Gender Spectrum’s Gender Support Plan to describe how you want your school to support you at school. Their Gender Communication Plan can help you plan how to come out at school.
Encourage your school administrators to read and reference their Bathroom FAQ if they have not yet instituted an affirming restroom policy.
For schools that have a lot of work to do, point them towards:
Dating Safety Tips
When do you disclose your gender-diversity?
- When you feel safe.
- Everyone should have their clothes on!!! All of their clothes!
- Consider testing the waters by discussing gender diversity in popular culture or the news. How someone reacts during light conversation can give you clues to how they may react during more serious moments.
- What do you think of the new bill about trans-xyz?
- Did you hear about this trans athlete?
Going on a date:
- Meet somewhere public
- Provide your own transportation when possible, if getting in a car with someone send a photo of car make, model and license plate to others
- Leave name of person, location of date with a buddy
- Plan a check-in time with your buddy
- Have a safety plan for if you don’t check-in
If you are in a relationship that doesnt’ feel right, there are supports for you. Consider reaching out to https://www.loveisrespect.org/
Do you know what abuse in a relationship might look like?
Read “It’s Not Your Fault and You Are Not Alone” about partner abuse in LGBTQ+ relationships.
Safety in Public
Know Where You Can Go if You’re In Danger
Several resources help map safe spaces for us:
National Safe Space program:
“Text 4 HELP” is a National Safe Place service that uses SMS text technology to offer information about the closest location to access immediate help and safety. By texting the word “SAFE” and their current location to 69866, youth can get help within seconds.
- Local LGBT Business Associations
- Everywhere is Queer
- Refuge Restrooms
- Google Business Listing
- Look for stickers, flags, flyers, or other LGBTQ+-themed items in a store or restaurant
- Your city may have a Safe Space program. For example, in Seattle, any youth 12 – 17 can board a bus and as a bus driver for help. The driver will call in a youth service provider.
When You’re Out and About
- Get to know the area during the daytime
- Don’t go out after dark, especially alone
- Stay aware of your surroundings
- No headphones
- No looking at your phone
- Avoid alleys, backstreets
- Personal safety training
- Have a plan/safety check-ins
Always have with you
- Your identity documents and a letter from a medical provider if your presentation and documents may “seem misaligned” to authorities
- A noise making device (whistle, personal alarm)
- Your cell phone
Safety At Home
This can be a difficult topic with a lot of complexity.
Counseling can help your family learn to communicate better. Your adults may resources for learning and support of their own.
Build your own local support network including friends and family you can go to, and knowing where you can find LGBTQ+ emergency youth housing.
What are Mandated Reporters?
Mandated Reporters are people who are trained to look for signes of abuse and who are required to report suspected or known abuse.
In Washington, the following groups of people are mandated reporters. If you need to tell someone and are ready for potential consequences, they can be a way of getting information to Child Protective Services and opening an investigation. However, this can also increase your risk at home.
- DSHS employees
- Law enforcement
- Social workers and professional school personnel
- Individual providers and operators of a facility
- Employees of social service, welfare, mental health, home care, home health agencies
- County coroner or medical examiner
- Christian Science practitioner
- Health care providers such as physicians, nurses, and naturopaths, among others
Resiliency
Resiliency is your ability to ‘bounce back’ from difficult situations. You can build resilience, which can also help you navigate situations more safely.
Resiliency is your ability to ‘bounce back’ from difficult situations. You can build resilience, which can also help you navigate situations more safely.
